just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
