I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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