need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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