Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
