why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ttyl tear gas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
