I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
