she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
