boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
