I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
