I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
