Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
