he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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