Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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