I'm lost and stupid without you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
