I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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