No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
