i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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