pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
