I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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