You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
