So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
