I puked a lego.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
