So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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