i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Life without a bra equals bliss.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
