you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
