when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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