where am i from again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
