If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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