some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
