Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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