YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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