Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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