Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
