I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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