The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
