after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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