dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
