saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
