I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
