i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
