the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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