I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
