I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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