recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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