I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
two words...techno handjob
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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