he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize