woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
