She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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