I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
