once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
