He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i already hear my dad disowning me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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