I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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