The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
