please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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