i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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