I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
