She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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