weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
