remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize