Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
