Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize