I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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