Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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