I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
