Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
