My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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