we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
